Its Queens Day n a holiday in Holland today, my hunny went out early, I took time off, tot I cld have a chat wif him b4 he goes off but guess wat, he had to go out earlier at his 9am... n won't be back till his late nite... wat a day to have fun out huh

I was wondering if he wld sms me to let me know he misses me :P  But it still sucks that he is having a fun time wif ppl out there, drinking, laughing, strolling n being lazy, having fun while I'm stucked here.

Its so stress here, work sucks, being treated without respect aint a nice feeling, I drag to werk each dag cos I needed the money to pay the bills n buy stuff when I move. At times I feel bad cos is as if I'm dumpin my family here to suffer while I pack n leave. At times, they seem to irritate so much that I don't give a damn, its not easy. I know I will miss them eventually....

I realli wish I have a million bucks or jus rich ;) so I can have them over there, buy a house over there and get things for them, me and Raimondo, well kinda set life going well with cash in a way.

At times, I still don't feel happy with stuff bght.

What will make me happy...?! I don't noe at times..will moving to Holland make me happy? Will issues with communicating with his friends n family, netherlands leren, coping with his love for partying ( I noe its not all the time) but it bothers me abt drinking, getting wasted..

Guess I'm just a hermit, rather sit home, watch a nice movie, cuddle, cook, or go for walks, just not partying at noisy places n smoking with those smells ard me :P

Spoke to  Terry today, and realised he studied in Perth b4 and I asked him abt weeds, well he tried it n was telling me that its less harmful then cigs cos no tar and drinking that will damage ur lungs, well in a way it made me feel less paranoid abt weeds but doesnt mean I'll endorse it ! LOL

Gotta werk tomorrow at Esplanade, yeah one of those holidays that they say its ur honour to werk on labour day - sigh and they don't pay u even grapes! lolz

NExt week also kena OCC, from 8am.. geez hope I dont have to be there early, but planned with Beng Gii to use the gym there later, but then again, knowing lazy me, I might jus head home to collapse hahahahaha

Seem my weekends for May b burnt.

Oh Ray told me that the lady he spoke to IND will write an email to request for positive reply since it was not in our control ( his control) to not be able to get a full paycheck this month. Not sure if the whole process will be delayed or not, or on the bad side of being rejected. Technically, we realli didnt submit all documents required. HOpefully by end May we wld have some feedback on if its good/bad, either way I will go there jus that it be sucky to b flying to n fro 3mnths each, kost a lot and less feel of permanency :P Lord pls let it be a positive to getting the MVV! Thnks! :P

I feel lonely here, each of the family members is so individual, we don have dinner together, don talk abt our life together, u jus see mom comin each time either to complain abt werk or nag at u for something. She is not home yet its 1020pm, probably went gamblin again, heard her saying she wanted to go n have fun, yeah some kinda of fun that kost alot!

Wonder if they have brains, spending each wk on gamblin (lottery), a try of luck, who noes I might win a million.. yeah rite.. counting back since she started betting, she might have alreadi contributed a million :P  Oh yeah its good if u do win a million, but they forgot what they put in thru the years....

Dad another one, lies non stop, seems his tongue can't b tamed anymore...Aunt called so urgently, asked her wats abt, she refused to tell, probably abt lending money frm dad again.. likewise mom wld do wif Uncle n yet both are at one another's throat. I still vividly remember when I was a kid, dad brght me to the coffee shop to meet aunt and being small, I saw dad passing money to her, UNDER THE TABLE... this scene etched in my mind till today.

Some scenes etched in my mind.. I drew a Hello Kitty on my cupboard... I dropped my first tooth in my uncle's house while playing hide n seek wif my cousins ( I was taken care by granny most of the time, thats why I ain't close wif my parents, especially mom, mom moved to this new house n quit werk onli when bro was born - tats the first sign of biasness FYI), the scene of me using pins to scratch on granni's wooden bed :P

The scene where I always cry when I was told I had to go home :( cos uncle's house wif granny ard was alreadi home to me... me helping granny fold the cigarette.. school bus, being bulled, having my water bottle tied up on the handle barrel, I was too short to take it down, the bus driver uncle always had to do it for me.. Mandy, first caucasion friend I noe, she always take the seat next to the bus driver... takin the last row on the bus just to feel the bump when the bus goes over one...going to my bro's school wif mom cos she picks him up everyday... the church in my school, my hiding place.. cleaning the pews n doing knitting of carpets, selling of Xmas card for charity, candles with paper holder...being bitten by Weenie ( the one whom I hate..changed my course of life...she used to me my best friend but she was always bragging that her house has a pool n gold bars in her house, to a kid then, I was wow but I didnt hang ard her cos of that lolz, I just hung ard thats all, but often got bullied by the grp, then they started accusing me of stealing their stuff by placing their pencils etc in my bag during recess then telling teacher I stole them.. she bit me in Chinese class, she pretented to 4get bringing her book n insisted sitting beside me to share, halfway thru lesson, she bit me! Teacher called her an animal :P she blackmailed me.... I remember clearly, Pet's day in school n she bght her hamsters, loved them so ask mom if i cld keep them too, well obviously no, then was told she had bght a pair for me alreadi, which I didnt ask for, n well she said since I dont want them, she will set them free n let them b eaten by wild cats.. hmm for a kiddo then, it was sad but i cldnt keep them. So she suggested to help me keep them first till I finish my exams n then ask mom again ... sounds good, paid 10bucks for the pair which is alot of money for a kiddo then alreadi...then she kept askin for more n more $20..$40.. cos the hamsters are growing,eating more, needs a bigger cage etc.. till I cldnt afford to pay no more so I told dad... cos she threatened if i don't pay she will tell mom, fear gripped me~~ Dad went to school wif me to tell teacher abt the threats n realised that Weenie has no hamsters, aint hers, was her cousins, she didnt buy any for me.. she jus keep asking me for $, well she cldnt pay bac of cos but we bcame enemy, that event happened thruout my xam period n in the end affected me and i didnt get result for PSLE, went to normal stream, still remember mom slapping me infront of everyone in school.. n my so-called good friends all suddenly turn their bacs at me cos i didnt do as well as they, tis event changed my life cos I wanted to stay in tat school, Marymount Convent, all gals ;) n then go to Uni to do psychology.. but it didnt happen cos of Weenie)

http://www.consumer.philips.com/global/b2c/ce/catalog/product.jhtml;jsessionid=JZAOHTDM0KVY3J0RMRERX2VHKFSEKHAW?divId=0&groupId=VIDEO_GR&catId=DVD_CA&subCatId=DVD_PLAYERS_SU&productId=DVP320_69

Bght this DVD player( the small squarish one), gonna bring over.. I've sent some stuff over, jus towels and toiletries, kost me 50 bucks alreadi, not sure if its worth it in all lolz, things kost me $50, senting is $50.. don think its worth it lolz

but done is done :P  Went for a facial, kost me $130, wasn't that great a deal, the IO2 cost $500, hell, I am not gonna spend on my face with that money lolz

Keeping a track on what i've spend so I noe i won'tgo too overboard :P

HAd a fairly oki day, slept 2-4pm, needed tat nap cos didnt sleep well yesterday nite, my mind was bogged with the unfair treatment my boss gave me with regards to the transfer.

Can't believe he is so mean to me, having gotten me over to Marketing to help him two years ago, persuading me that I have potential n that Marketing is the place for my career plan, that he wld help me plan my career in Marketing if i go over to help him.

K fine, I moved to help him, working hard, from the recruitment management, going down to the Fairprice outlets to check on the recruiters, collecting vouchers, moving stacks of gifts, packing them, unpacking them, distributing them to the unions.. even got my back hurt, my hand bruised cos of all these.

I still remember be walking almost an hr to make a police report, under the hot sun.. and all these wifout an appreciation, n now he jus kicked me out

Well he had it planned since last year n i wonder why realli?? i didnt mess wif him...

And him promising me the position of a team leader, "to be fair to me" (quote unquote him) when I transfer, which is BS! n then downgrading to Ässt team leader, which is also BS!!

then the straight lie in my face abt joelle havin to go on a long leave. and now the fact is that she is being transferred to Marketing... sigh, all the lies n deceptions!


I realli hope he wld get his deserves one day and taste the same medicine he feeds ppl with.

I'm looking forward to getting MVV ( Lord have mercy) so I can realli get ready and start afresh.

Isabel is worried nad of cos i noe it is scary but wldnt noe wat it be till I'm there, settled and learning to adapt... I love him lots, n can't iamgine a day wifout him... smoochie

k enuff for today ... :P